How to Get a Date for Prom

by Angie Evangelista

Are you lonely? Do other humans find you repulsive? Do you loathe having to stay at home watching Netflix and eating ice cream straight from the tub to cope with your sadness? Prom is the most important event of your life, and nothing will overcome the disappointment and embarrassment of going without a date. But there is hope. Stop failing at life and follow these steps to become the casanova that you’ve always wanted to be.

STEP 1: FIND YOUR TARGET

The first step to getting a date for the prom is to decide who you want to ask. While it may be tempting to ask Jennifer Lawrence or Liam Hemsworth, realize that you might be rejected. Instead, focus on someone such as that one boy or girl you’ve seen around school with the eyebrows on “fleek.” Even better, ask someone that is just as desperate.

STEP 2: THINK OF WAYS TO “ASK” YOUR TARGET

While it would be easy and logical to simply approach that person and ask them to prom, a true playa’ doesn’t follow such simple suggestions. Through evolution, humans have developed several different mating calls. During prom season, the most common way to ask people to prom is through “promposals.”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a promposal is defined as:

(n.) The act of conceiving an elaborate plan to increase your chances of getting to prom, that may:

End in utter, humiliating failure because high school relationships are the single most important thing in your life.

Example: Jack’s successful promposal to Jill was characterized by roses, balloons, making out, and youtube paparazzi.

Here are some ideas and tips for a promposal:

The most common and popular promposals are the flash mob dances. In order to complete this, all you need is a group of fearless friends, a catchy song, and the dancing ability of a crab. For further assistance, go on youtube and search, “How to Twerk.”

Another common approach is to capture your target in a moment of public display. This lessens the likelihood of them saying no. Catch them at a school pep rally or in the middle of campus during lunch. You could even do it in one of your largest classes. Better yet, take out a guitar, a rose, a few balloons, and posters. The cheesier the better.

If you’re broke, not a risk taker, or simply fail at all previous attempts do not worry! You can always use pity to your advantage. By making people feel bad for you, you can guilt trip anyone to ask you to prom or to say yes.

Step 3: What do you do if they say yes?

Congratulations! You finally have a date for the prom. But getting a date is only half of the job. Now, you must ensure that your date does not change their mind. But what do you do? You must give them everything they want. Follow them around and cater to all their needs. They did grant you the privilege of taking them to prom, after all. Remember, this is the only chance you have. You must do everything in your power to keep them with you, no matter what.

Here are some suggestions:

Take them out to eat and buy them things. Remember, with food you can win over anyone. Take them out after school, during the weekend, buy them lunch, etc. Bring them their favorite snack to school every day. Apart from food, people also tend to like clothes, jewelry, flowers, etc. You could even buy them their prom dress/suit, ticket, or any other important prom necessities to seal the deal.  Spend all your money on them because, remember, they are making your life worthwhile.

Don’t have any money? It will be hard, but don’t give up. Compliment them all the time. Doesn’t matter what they do, you must show them that they are the most important person in the world right now. Are they ugly? They are now the most beautiful person in the world. Do they say things that don’t make any sense? Doesn’t matter, they are now the most intelligent person that you have ever met. Are they so full of themselves that it makes them look incredibly stupid? It’s okay because right now they are the most important person in the world.

If your prom date isn’t a complete jerk, then great. You may not have to go to such extremes to keep your prom date. But if  your date ends up being a total jerk, remember all the mistreatment and money you spend will be worth it in the end. After all, who cares about the SAT or any AP exams during this time?  Your whole life and years of school has come down to this one event, so go out there and get yourself a prom date today.